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Two and a half years after my daughter was born, the view of my body changed again through the birth of my son. Catch how my view had changed after my daughter’s birth here.
After almost a year and a half of healing emotionally and physically, I had a long talk with God about finishing the healing process. For me the last step was to allow God to show me I was capable. That He designed my body to grow, birth, and nurture a child. I agreed finally that I would get pregnant again, but only in His timing. He knew what I needed and when better than I.
The fall of 2018, right during the beginning of harvest, I confirmed with a test what I had suspected for a week. I was pregnant again. This time we took a slow approach, praying and asking for guidance every step and decision. That process led us to birth at home, a choice I came to love and see God’s foresight in later.
Labor started with my water breaking in the early morning hours. Jeremy took our daughter to daycare and went to feed cattle while I napped on the couch. I hadn’t slept much that night and knew there was hard work ahead. Around noon I checked in with Jeremy to see if he was at a place he could come home if needed. I was rested and ready to get things moving, so was going to jump start labor with oils, but only if he could come home.
He was able and I jump started. Rushes started to become noticable and more intense. I called my friend who was photographing for us and let my midwife know. Both were on their way. I was having immense back labor and needed pressure on my back through rushes. Jeremy filled the pool and I got in shortly after to relieve my back. I labored there most of the time because the water felt so good.
The afternoon passed and evening came. I lost all track of time, but noticed it was getting dark. Some time in there transition came, and I began to push. This big baby was slow to descend and as it turned out was not ideally positioned, so I was pushing a larger part than normal. I pushed for what seemed like forever. Several position changes, finally got out of the water, tried for the bed, couldn’t get up there. Tried a stool, and ended up sitting on the toilet, where he began to crown.
My midwife, bless her, patiently watched and waited, asking permission to check the baby's tones and never actually checking me. I didn’t want her to. She watched and waited for me to labor on my own terms, suggesting position changes only to try something different and see if it helped. When the baby started to have trouble at the end she knew the exact position I needed to be in, for him to come out. He was big and his shoulders were a little stuck.
He was born after an all day labor and snuggled into my chest right away. Had I been anywhere else I would have had another c-section, with the excuse of he was just too big and taking too long. Him taking so long allowed my body to stretch around him and not tear. God knew my son was going to take a long time to descend and that I needed the peace of home to be able to birth him on my own. WE DID IT!
My son’s birth left me feeling capable and confident in my body’s ability. It proved to me that God did not make a mistake in His design and knows exactly what we need. His birth left me feeling whole and in awe of my body, not the broken vision I had for two and a half years. It redeemed my daughter's birth as well and that was worth every bit of the long labor.
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