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Two and a half years after my daughter was born, the view of my body changed again through the birth of my son. Catch how my view had changed after my daughter’s birth here.
After almost a year and a half of healing emotionally and physically, I had a long talk with God about finishing the healing process. For me the last step was to allow God to show me I was capable. That He designed my body to grow, birth, and nurture a child. I agreed finally that I would get pregnant again, but only in His timing. He knew what I needed and when better than I.
The fall of 2018, right during the beginning of harvest, I confirmed with a test what I had suspected for a week. I was pregnant again. This time we took a slow approach, praying and asking for guidance every step and decision. That process led us to birth at home, a choice I came to love and see God’s foresight in later.
Labor started with my water breaking in the early morning hours. Jeremy took our daughter to daycare and went to feed cattle while I napped on the couch. I hadn’t slept much that night and knew there was hard work ahead. Around noon I checked in with Jeremy to see if he was at a place he could come home if needed. I was rested and ready to get things moving, so was going to jump start labor with oils, but only if he could come home.
He was able and I jump started. Rushes started to become noticable and more intense. I called my friend who was photographing for us and let my midwife know. Both were on their way. I was having immense back labor and needed pressure on my back through rushes. Jeremy filled the pool and I got in shortly after to relieve my back. I labored there most of the time because the water felt so good.
The afternoon passed and evening came. I lost all track of time, but noticed it was getting dark. Some time in there transition came, and I began to push. This big baby was slow to descend and as it turned out was not ideally positioned, so I was pushing a larger part than normal. I pushed for what seemed like forever. Several position changes, finally got out of the water, tried for the bed, couldn’t get up there. Tried a stool, and ended up sitting on the toilet, where he began to crown.
My midwife, bless her, patiently watched and waited, asking permission to check the baby's tones and never actually checking me. I didn’t want her to. She watched and waited for me to labor on my own terms, suggesting position changes only to try something different and see if it helped. When the baby started to have trouble at the end she knew the exact position I needed to be in, for him to come out. He was big and his shoulders were a little stuck.
He was born after an all day labor and snuggled into my chest right away. Had I been anywhere else I would have had another c-section, with the excuse of he was just too big and taking too long. Him taking so long allowed my body to stretch around him and not tear. God knew my son was going to take a long time to descend and that I needed the peace of home to be able to birth him on my own. WE DID IT!
My son’s birth left me feeling capable and confident in my body’s ability. It proved to me that God did not make a mistake in His design and knows exactly what we need. His birth left me feeling whole and in awe of my body, not the broken vision I had for two and a half years. It redeemed my daughter's birth as well and that was worth every bit of the long labor.
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I wish everyone who has had a traumatic birth experiences birth redemption. I do not wish anyone to have a traumatic birth, but unfortunately it happens all too frequently. This is part one of two in Blog posts.
What happens during a traumatic birth? It is not just physical trauma, it is emotional trauma that takes a hidden toll. This hidden emotional trauma leaves scars that no one can see. It can change the way a mother views herself, her body, her baby, her life. When this hidden trauma occurs, the outside world does not see what is happening. To them all seems well, everyone is alive. They don’t see the internal struggle and the life that is not thriving, but only surviving.
Before the birth of my daughter I had a view of a strong and capable woman. A little nervous and not knowing what to expect of birth, but confidant I could handle it. After all my mom did, why wouldn’t I be able to.
I left my daughter's birth feeling broken, robbed, and used. My confidence was shaken to the core. I didn’t recognize my own body, didn’t understand what happened or why. Everyone was so happy, my daughter and I were alive. They didn’t see the struggle to bond, the hurt that went way deeper than the scar. The confusion, trying to figure out what went wrong.
Her birth left me with a view that my body was broken. That it was unable to handle a pregnancy, or birth. I spent the next year in physical pain, burying the emotional pain and swearing I’d never go through that again. How? I would simply not get pregnant again.
Over that year, I started digging into improving my health. I was tired of the pain. I switched jobs, because I physically and mentally just couldn’t cowboy anymore. The pain continued. I finally found help for the physical pain. I was blessed with an occupational therapist who understood the effect emotions have on the body. She led me to the path of emotional healing. Once those two pieces met, the pain, both physical and emotional, finally started to heal.
For more on what I did to heal, get the course here:
https://getoiling.com/CassandraRow/landing/recovery-from-traumatic-birth
Wanting a community to lean into? Join the FREE Courageous + Purposeful Mommas group! This community is for the Mommas, mommas to be, in the midst of raising, and kids grown, looking for tips on building your family up and providing for them through natural methods. Tips include: gardening, bulk buying, caning,/preserving, livestock, homesteading, and home remedies. Your family is precious, and this group is to help you gain the knowledge and tools to keep your family well and not reliant on outside professionals. Remedies and tips are easy and simple for the busy momma, time is precious after all, including pregnancy, birth, young kids, and illness. Trust your Momma gut again! This community offers the resources + community you need to help get started on your journey and prepare for whatever future you envision.
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Life brings us to crossroads, where we have to make hard decisions. One of those such decisions, we (my husband and I) had to make was where to give birth to our son. Our daughter's birth did not end the way either of us expected, and left me traumatized never wanting to be pregnant again. After much healing, God blessed us with another child. Now where were we going to receive care from?
We prayed a lot. I found out I was pregnant right during harvest. Wanting to do this journey and decision making together, we waited until harvest was over before we started interviewing providers. I was very much opposed to hospital birth. Just taking my daughter to the clinic for well checks raised my blood pressure and put me on edge. How was I supposed to give birth in that environment? You need to relax for birth to happen naturally!
We interviewed a couple different midwives, one independent and one in a birth center. I researched and came up with pages of questions for them, everything from what is required during visits, to what would be required during birth, to treatment if anything was declined, and their personal statistics (interventions, success rates, etc.). I also searched the internet to find background and reviews on each potential midwife before we even scheduled a consultation. Prior to the interviews we decided we would not make any decisions that day. We would take the answers home, talk about them, pray then decide where was best.
At the end of the interviews I wanted one midwife, my husband wanted the other. The birth center would provide me care, but I would have to give birth in a hospital, due to physician policy. We decided to tour where we would be giving birth. One choice was easy to tour: home. The other, we had to schedule the appointment. Unfortunately my husband could not go with me on the tour.
I prayed very specifically for a good week or more before, that God would give me clear answers. I prayed for complete peace if this was where we were supposed to be, or a complete anxiety attack if it was not. I wanted clear answers, so there was no doubt in my mind.
I made it through a good part of the tour, but as we got further and further into the labor rooms, the more anxious I got. My daughter became my focus to keep me out of a complete attack. As soon as the tour was done we b-lined it out of there as fast as I could. Trying to get a coat on a 2 year old was hard, getting across the parking garage and into the car was harder. I was quickly losing it. I got my daughter buckled in, got in myself, and locked the door. I could finally let go. I was staking so bad I could barely dial my husband and talk. I sobbed into the phone, shaking,
“I can’t do this.”
“It it OK, you tried. I wish I could come through the phone and hold you. Breath with me.”
He calmed me down and I oiled up. We had our answer very clearly. I had only had one other mild attack prior to that event. I believe that attack was solely for the purpose that I would know what it was for this decision. God is faithful.
And that was how it was determined we would give birth at home. A decision I do not regret in the slightest, as it brought about a redeeming birth.
Wanting a community to lean into? Join the FREE Courageous + Purposeful Mommas group! This community is for the Mommas, mommas to be, in the midst of raising, and kids grown, looking for tips on building your family up and providing for them through natural methods. Tips include: gardening, bulk buying, caning,/preserving, livestock, homesteading, and home remedies. Your family is precious, and this group is to help you gain the knowledge and tools to keep your family well and not reliant on outside professionals. Remedies and tips are easy and simple for the busy momma, time is precious after all, including pregnancy, birth, young kids, and illness. Trust your Momma gut again! This community offers the resources + community you need to help get started on your journey and prepare for whatever future you envision.
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Overcoming fear is hard, but it is even harder when there is a traumatic experience involved. When that trauma is from an experience that is supposed to be a joyful experience, like birth? How do you even start? Where do you turn? Who do you even talk to?
Birth trauma is not just physical trauma that happens to baby or momma, it can also be emotional or psychological. With my daughter, people just didn’t get it. In their eyes, from the outside, the doctors acted and saved both my daughter and myself from potential death. So, why was I so irritated, fearful, adamant that I was never getting pregnant again? What they didn’t see or understand was the complete lack of control or say about anything that happened to me or my baby when I checked into the hospital.
Birth is supposed to be an intimate event, with mom participating, but when all say is taken away mom and sometimes dad is left as a spectator. When those events turn into an unexpected or consented surgery, it can leave deep emotional and physical scars. How are you supposed to begin to process and recover from that? How do you conquer the fear of future births?
One step at a time. I did not realize how much of an issue I had until I was almost a year postpartum, still in physical pain and emotional avoidance. I found an OT specializing in C-section pelvic care, and started the physical work that led to uncovering the emotional scars that also needed healed. I journaled, I read books on emotional trauma, and I used essential oils. Slowly I learned to heal my body from the inside out, with food and mindset.
In birth, you cannot overcome the fear of a future birth, without dealing with the past trauma. A wise midwife told me as I was healing, if you don’t deal with the emotions around the birth as they come to surface, they will come back up during your next birth and will affect it. So I learned to tune in and listen to my own body. Working through the emotions as they came up, and releasing them. Your body holds emotions in the cells if they are buried.
Overcoming the fear of birth itself is the final step. For me the only way to finish healing, was to become pregnant and give birth again. This time however, I walked each step consulting and trusting God for His guidance. I surrounded myself with people who were loving and supportive for birth. People who had confidence that my body could birth my baby naturally. I interviewed providers, prayed about them and found the one that matched. Prepared myself for birth by reading books on birth and the birth process. I made a loose plan. Honestly after my first plan completely fell apart, I was hesitant to make any plan for fear it would also fall apart. But I knew what I wanted and needed, my midwife and I had conversations on those desires.
Ultimately the time for my son’s birth came. Labor started slow and easy, but gained intensity and my son was born at home, surrounded by love and support. It was truly a redemptive experience, and God showed me once again His sovereignty, love and grace.
For more on healing from birth trauma follow the link to my course
https://getoiling.com/CassandraRow/landing/recovery-from-traumatic-birth
Wanting a community to lean into? Join the FREE Courageous + Purposeful Mommas group! This community is for the Mommas, mommas to be, in the midst of raising, and kids grown, looking for tips on building your family up and providing for them through natural methods. Tips include: gardening, bulk buying, caning,/preserving, livestock, homesteading, and home remedies. Your family is precious, and this group is to help you gain the knowledge and tools to keep your family well and not reliant on outside professionals. Remedies and tips are easy and simple for the busy momma, time is precious after all, including pregnancy, birth, young kids, and illness. Trust your Momma gut again! This community offers the resources + community you need to help get started on your journey and prepare for whatever future you envision.
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If you would talk to most birth professionals, especially if you live in the state of Nebraska or Arkansas, they will tell you it is a risky thing and needs to be handled in a hospital. The truth is most of the time birth is safe and natural. Yes there are risks. Yes things can go wrong, but for the majority of women, birth is a low risk, natural process.
Many times when we start messing with the natural process that is when we see issues. We see this a lot in animals. If you will allow me to use them as an example. Animals go where they feel comfortable and safe. They know that they are at their most vulnerable point during birth and they find a place they can be safe. If that spot is disrupted, by say a predator or human, oftentimes the birth process will stall or halt all together.
Why do we think as humans we are so different when it comes to the birth process? There are so many parts to birth and each step triggers the next. Even professionals don’t completely understand the hormonal intricacies of the process and how all the loops work together. We know the baby communicates with the mother’s body as to what is needed and when something is too much, but we don’t completely understand how that all works.
What we do know is that if one step is disrupted, the others compensate. In the medical setting when outside forces are injected into the process to force things along, we start to see issues. There is no natural feedback loop telling the machine to lower the dose, ease up, and the baby needs more time. This is where things can become dicey and external monitoring is needed.
It wasn’t until the mid 20th century that birth became a hospital procedure. Prior to that midwives attended the mothers in the comfort of their own homes and assisted if needed. In the 20th century the introduction of narcotics and anesthesia during birth were introduced, and thus birth moved to the hospital.
What happens if instead a mother does what an animal would do? Instead of going to the hospital where there are unfamiliar noises, disruptions, monitoring, what if she stayed home? Like women did many years ago? Chances are most births would be just fine. Labor would progress as it should and everything would be much more peaceful. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad there are hospitals near for the incase emergencies that do happen. But truth be told, that should be the hospitals roll. Emergency life saving care, not necessarily the normal uncomplicated birth.
Wanting a community to lean into? Join the FREE Courageous + Purposeful Mommas group! This community is for the Mommas, mommas to be, in the midst of raising, and kids grown, looking for tips on building your family up and providing for them through natural methods. Tips include: gardening, bulk buying, caning,/preserving, livestock, homesteading, and home remedies. Your family is precious, and this group is to help you gain the knowledge and tools to keep your family well and not reliant on outside professionals. Remedies and tips are easy and simple for the busy momma, time is precious after all, including pregnancy, birth, young kids, and illness. Trust your Momma gut again! This community offers the resources + community you need to help get started on your journey and prepare for whatever future you envision.
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Get the Naturally Healthy Birth Course here:
https://getoiling.com/CassandraRow/landing/naturally-healthy-birth
Get the Healing from Birth Trauma Course here:
https://getoiling.com/CassandraRow/landing/recovery-from-traumatic-birth
Get the preventing Preeclampsia course here:
https://getoiling.com/CassandraRow/landing/preventing-preeclampsia
This post may contain affiliate links, which means that I may receive a commission if you make a purchase using these links, with NO additional cost to you.
My first birth I went the traditional Nebraskan route. I had an OBGYN, was induced, had an emergency C-section. When I decided I wanted a different route for my second, I was told I could only birth in the hospital, because of my past C-section. Not even considering the cause or why I was induced in the first place (boiled down to poor eating habits that I didn’t know any better until later).
Hospital birth was not an option for me. Just going through a tour of the Labor and Delivery ward set me into an anxiety attack (I had only had 1 other attack in my 26 years on this earth). The only birth center in Nebraska wouldn’t accept me. So what did I do? I defied the doctors and birthed at home. I was fortunate to find a lay midwife who was willing to help me and I am glad she was there. She was wise enough to let me be, but knew when she needed to step in and help.
Unfortunately many women are not that lucky. It is becoming more difficult to find midwives willing to risk their career, and sometimes lives, to help women birth at home. Leaving many women with the option of hospital, or going solo at home. The argument is always birth is safer in the hospitals! But the date really shows otherwise (that's a topic for another day). Why are women not able to choose who and how they give birth?
Much of it revolves around policy, laws, and unfortunately the dollar. When birth moved to the hospital in the 20th century, it did not take long for hospital boards to realize how much money can be made in birth. As of December 2019, the Business Insider found that the average cost to have a child in the United states was $10,808 without complications during delivery. If you factor in the care provided before and after, it can increase to $30,000. No wonder hospital boards want women in the hospital care system for birth! They have enough pressure and pull between them and insurance companies to sway the political politics governing health care, and birth workers.
So what can you do? Look up the laws in your state. In Nebraska, home birth itself is not illegal. Having a certified medical practitioner there is. Talk to you state representatives, tell them how you feel and bring them data on how birth is safe at home.
Wanting a community to lean into? Join the FREE Courageous + Purposeful Mommas group! This community is for the Mommas, mommas to be, in the midst of raising, and kids grown, looking for tips on building your family up and providing for them through natural methods. Tips include: gardening, bulk buying, caning,/preserving, livestock, homesteading, and home remedies. Your family is precious, and this group is to help you gain the knowledge and tools to keep your family well and not reliant on outside professionals. Remedies and tips are easy and simple for the busy momma, time is precious after all, including pregnancy, birth, young kids, and illness. Trust your Momma gut again! This community offers the resources + community you need to help get started on your journey and prepare for whatever future you envision.
Click here to get the stories straight to your email:
For more on wellness tips click here:
For more on homesteading on your budget click here:
For more simple DIY updates click here:
Get the Naturally Healthy Birth Course here:
https://getoiling.com/CassandraRow/landing/naturally-healthy-birth
Get the Healing from Birth Trauma Course here:
https://getoiling.com/CassandraRow/landing/recovery-from-traumatic-birth
Get the preventing Preeclampsia course here:
https://getoiling.com/CassandraRow/landing/preventing-preeclampsia
This post may contain affiliate links, which means that I may receive a commission if you make a purchase using these links, with NO additional cost to you.
No one said birth was ever easy, but what about when things go far from planned or expected? Birth trauma doesn't happen to the baby, it can happen to momma too. Birth trauma isn’t always physical, like birth injury, many times it is emotional. According to pregnancybirthbaby.org:
“Birth trauma is distress experienced by a mother during or after childbirth. While trauma can be physical (see Birth injury), it is often emotional and psychological.
Birth trauma is not just about what happened during labour and the birth. It can also refer to how you, as the mother, are left feeling afterwards. Sometimes the effects of birth trauma can emerge, and continue for, some time after you’ve given birth.”
This is not talked about enough. Birth trauma is something that I had not even heard of, until after I found myself faced by a birth that did not go as planned at all. I found myself doubting everything I knew, anxious, and in physical pain for months that doctors kept telling me was ‘normal’. So I started digging and finding a path to healing, because this ‘normal’ they spoke of was affecting my entire life and my ability to do the job I loved.
It took me almost 2 full years of digging, researching, reading, working with different professionals, and wrestling within, but I found a path to healing from the trauma. There is hope, there is redemption, there is healing, and I want to help you find your way, without taking the 2 years I did. I created a group and course for those who are hurting, or disappointed from their birth experience. You are not alone and do not have to walk through healing alone.
I have been there and want to help you move into redemption and healing. There is hope. There is a path forward. Join the course now can
Wanting a community to lean into? Join the FREE Courageous + Purposeful Mommas group! This community is for the Mommas, mommas to be, in the midst of raising, and kids grown, looking for tips on building your family up and providing for them through natural methods. Tips include: gardening, bulk buying, caning,/preserving, livestock, homesteading, and home remedies. Your family is precious, and this group is to help you gain the knowledge and tools to keep your family well and not reliant on outside professionals. Remedies and tips are easy and simple for the busy momma, time is precious after all, including pregnancy, birth, young kids, and illness. Trust your Momma gut again! This community offers the resources + community you need to help get started on your journey and prepare for whatever future you envision.
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