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There comes a time, when you are so far in debt, and the collectors start calling. That you don't even enjoy going places. You don't enjoy going to town anymore. Because the people you see, especially in the small town, are the ones you owe money to, sometimes quite a bit of money.
You're thankful that they're patient with you while the crops come in. Trusting that you will pay them eventually. But it still hurts. To look at them and try and pretend that everything is fine. When you know that there's a mountain of debt. And you're not sure you can climb it.
Making the phone calls, answering the calls. Saying yes, we'll get you paid. While at the same time knowing you will. But you're not sure when or how. That's what taking on a mountain of debt is like.
The hiding. The never leaving the farm, because you do honestly enjoy your home, but going to town to face everyone is just to much.
You hate fake people and the small town gossip. If you go to town, you deal with that. Ignore the questioning doubtful eyes you feel watching you. The small talk that never goes anywhere. You avoid the grocery store during the busy time, simply so you don’t have to see the others in the community.
You're OK to everybody. Who doesn't know the mess you’re in? They surely speculate and talk, but no one know the full extent. You smile and say “OK” when someone asks how you’re doing. At the same time, you're screaming inside that “I'm falling apart. I don't know if I can handle the pressure. And I don't know when it's going to get better.”
Slowly you heal. Heal your body. Heal your mind. The mountain is still there. You still answer the calls and politely explain that yes, we’ll get you paid eventually. You still cringe every time a bank letter comes. You still don’t like going to town. But you feel better. You don’t feel like you’re drowning.
When you’re going through farm loss, it feels like you are alone. That you are dying a slow painful death as your life dream slips away.
But you’re not.
I’ve been there. I am there. Four long years there.
I’ve been through the hope of, “it’ll be tough but we can turn it around.”
I’ve been through disaster after disaster taking the crops.
I’ve been through the painful meetings.
I’ve been through the painful endings. Selling the equipment and livestock.
You are not alone. I’m here and so are many more women. Come join us in the Thriving Through Farm Loss: Wife’s Support Network. Heal and move forward. The link for our group is linked below.
Wanting a community to lean into? Join the FREE Thriving Through Farm Loss: Wife’s Support Network! In our community, we embrace the challenges of farm life and provide a supportive space for wives facing the complexities of managing a family farm. Whether you're navigating financial pressures, day-to-day operations, or seeking ways to create a thriving home, we're here for you. Explore gardening tips for cultivating your own oasis, share insights on animal care, and discover practical family budgeting strategies. Together, let's grow through challenges, flourish authentically, and sow the seeds for a resilient and thriving farm life. Join us on this journey of resilience and abundance!
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