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How do you learn to trust your gut? What does trusting your gut even mean? Trusting your gut is that small voice or feeling inside that says something is right or wrong. It’s a small feeling that can easily be ignored, but when listened to, more often than not, is correct.
We have been conditioned to think logically, ignore our feelings, and listen to the professionals. Here’s the problem with that. Professionals only know the average normal of a population. They do not know what your normal or your child’s normal is.
So how do you learn to hear that small voice of intuition again? One moment at a time. I find that I have the biggest gut feelings, when a big decision is at hand. So often I have ignored the feeling that something wasn’t right, because logically and using reasoning everything made sense.
I started learning to listen to and trust my gut again, by simply listening and tuning in. Did the situation feel right? Did something seem off, even a little bit. Does something seem to be missing? Many times it is a feeling that something just doesn’t seem right. I can’t put my finger on it or explain right away, but if I step back, investigate or wait, I find the answer.
When it comes to my kids or me and seeking medical care, I tune in carefully. I press for answers, not just “it’s normal”. A good example is this spring I started bleeding abnormally. Concerned for my baby, I sought the expertise of my provider. It was recommended that I go in to be checked, because the color and amount of blood was concerning. After countless hours in the ER, baby was fine, but they weren’t sure why I was bleeding so heavily. So the next day we had follow up appointments with an OBGYN. We discussed possibilities, and had another ultrasound which revealed a large subchorionic hematoma laying fairly close to my cervix. At least we now knew what was the cause, but no one was sure why it happened in the first place. We still aren’t, though we have some suspicions.
I pushed for answers, trusting my gut, which gave us answers and a direction.
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A while back we talked about my favorite question “Why”. There is a ‘Why’ that I have not shared with you all. Why do I reach out to others? Why do I share the knowledge I have learned? Short answer. Because the world is confusing and every momma needs a hand.
No one person can learn everything. We each learn from our experiences and then learn from others experiences. If what I have learned over the years about gardening, food, allergies, home toxins, and animal care, can help the next person shorten their learning curve I will.
We are bombarded with information. We can look up anything we want on our phone in our hand. They call it the information age for a reason. But with all that information, a person can easily become confused. If you look for information, you will find it, and all sides of the topic too. All the information and opinions coming in can easily confuse a person who has the time to sort through it. What momma has time to keep the kids alive, house in order, and sort through the massive amounts of information quickly? I sure didn’t and still don’t. As a farm wife, working mom, then stay home mom, keeper of the house and business books, master of the acreage, I have never had a lot of extra time.
What I have learned has been little bits over my life, through my own experiences, pockets of time for research, and my own trial and error. I have taken what I researched, applied it, tweaked it, figured out what worked practically, and what needed to be adjusted. Depending on the stage of life I was in at the time how deep into the research I was able to dig. Many times the research was an ongoing process, or completed over the course of several years.
I want to save the next momma the time it took me and give her the jumpstart to her knowledge and an action plan. We're all busy mommas, and we all need a helping hand every now and then.
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Rules. They are there to guide us and keep us safe. Some rules help us to live life the best way possible. Some show us our shortcomings. Many people don’t like rules. That rebellious heart just wants freedom, I know I’m not alone here. Some people like me test the rules. Is that really a rule or a suggestion? Why is it even there?
Bless my mother, somehow she didn’t kill me growing up. But she did learn if she wanted me to follow a rule, I needed to know the why and that she really meant it. Guess what? My daughter is the same as me….
One rule that I have followed since growing up was what some consider the ‘Golden rule’. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
What kind of rule is this? Really it's more like a guideline to life than a rule. It is one of those rules that show us how life works best, how to interact with others well. Logically, if you want to be treated kindly, you should probably treat others with kindness as well. It is in our human nature to want to reciprocate how others make us feel.
This is also a rule that is so hard for young kids to learn. Why should I share? It’s mine! She’s in my space, so I pushed her out. He took my toy, so I hit him. Just a few examples from my house lately. At the same time it is so important to teach our kids this guideline.
Kids who grow into adults who never learned or choose not to follow the ‘Golden rule’ are ones that are bitter. They are adults, people don’t like to be around. I do not want my kids to grow up to be those adults. I want them to be kind, understanding, and a friend. As their mom it is now my job to teach them what it means to be a friend, to be kind, to be understanding. And it starts at home with their siblings.
As one of my kid’s favorite books says “to have a friend, you have to be a friend.”
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Two and a half years after my daughter was born, the view of my body changed again through the birth of my son. Catch how my view had changed after my daughter’s birth here.
After almost a year and a half of healing emotionally and physically, I had a long talk with God about finishing the healing process. For me the last step was to allow God to show me I was capable. That He designed my body to grow, birth, and nurture a child. I agreed finally that I would get pregnant again, but only in His timing. He knew what I needed and when better than I.
The fall of 2018, right during the beginning of harvest, I confirmed with a test what I had suspected for a week. I was pregnant again. This time we took a slow approach, praying and asking for guidance every step and decision. That process led us to birth at home, a choice I came to love and see God’s foresight in later.
Labor started with my water breaking in the early morning hours. Jeremy took our daughter to daycare and went to feed cattle while I napped on the couch. I hadn’t slept much that night and knew there was hard work ahead. Around noon I checked in with Jeremy to see if he was at a place he could come home if needed. I was rested and ready to get things moving, so was going to jump start labor with oils, but only if he could come home.
He was able and I jump started. Rushes started to become noticable and more intense. I called my friend who was photographing for us and let my midwife know. Both were on their way. I was having immense back labor and needed pressure on my back through rushes. Jeremy filled the pool and I got in shortly after to relieve my back. I labored there most of the time because the water felt so good.
The afternoon passed and evening came. I lost all track of time, but noticed it was getting dark. Some time in there transition came, and I began to push. This big baby was slow to descend and as it turned out was not ideally positioned, so I was pushing a larger part than normal. I pushed for what seemed like forever. Several position changes, finally got out of the water, tried for the bed, couldn’t get up there. Tried a stool, and ended up sitting on the toilet, where he began to crown.
My midwife, bless her, patiently watched and waited, asking permission to check the baby's tones and never actually checking me. I didn’t want her to. She watched and waited for me to labor on my own terms, suggesting position changes only to try something different and see if it helped. When the baby started to have trouble at the end she knew the exact position I needed to be in, for him to come out. He was big and his shoulders were a little stuck.
He was born after an all day labor and snuggled into my chest right away. Had I been anywhere else I would have had another c-section, with the excuse of he was just too big and taking too long. Him taking so long allowed my body to stretch around him and not tear. God knew my son was going to take a long time to descend and that I needed the peace of home to be able to birth him on my own. WE DID IT!
My son’s birth left me feeling capable and confident in my body’s ability. It proved to me that God did not make a mistake in His design and knows exactly what we need. His birth left me feeling whole and in awe of my body, not the broken vision I had for two and a half years. It redeemed my daughter's birth as well and that was worth every bit of the long labor.
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Tough question, but one most of us will face at some point. Something we loved doing must be put on hold for a time, sometimes known, sometimes unknown. Hobbies or passions are held or altered for different reasons: life circumstance, health, finances.
When this happens there usually is a process of grieving. You deny that you really have to give that hobby up and find ways to still include it. Then you have feelings of anger or frustration that you just can’t make the hobby work. You might try bargaining for time, money, health, to get just a bit more of that passion. Then you fall into a bit of a depression as you long to do what you used to love. Finally you accept that maybe one day you will be able to do your passion again.
Feeling like my passions are being taken away has happened to me recently. I am a strong willed, independent, woman. I love riding horses, and being in my gardens. With the addition of each child my time riding has decreased, but I am ok with that as I still have them and have continued to care for them. My garden has increased as our family has increased, filling much of my used to be riding time, because it is something else I enjoy and the kids can do it with me.
Late this winter however, I saw both of these hobbies start to be limited and felt them being taken away. I had started bleeding heavily during pregnancy and found I had a large subchorionic hematoma. I was put on activity and weight restrictions of 10 pounds, until the bleeding stopped. This made it impossible to feed hay to my horses, help my kids ride, or start yard prep for the garden. At first I was ok, ‘it’ll only be a couple weeks, then I can resume’ (denial). But the two weeks turned into a month and still no end in sight. In total I bled 7 weeks. Even after it was done, I was still advised to keep the lifting light and limit activity so nothing would reinjure.
I was angry. Angry there was no clear reason or answer to why. Angry I couldn’t take care of my portion of the chores, upset I was having to rely on everyone else to feed hay, get feed, pour the feed into the cans, and do the heavy lifting in the gardens.
I then went through a bit of depression as I realized all the things I might not be able to do this summer. Planting was going to be difficult, weeding, mulching. Planting the bushes was out of the question. Clean up in the wind break was on hold. My plants I started suffered, as I didn’t care for them like they needed.
Only recently have I been able to accept that I will not return to full normal activity until months after delivery. That has been helped by being surrounded by friends and family that are willing and able to step in and help, with the chores I cannot do (thank you to my husband, who does the bulk now with his own cattle chores). Friends who come out and help with the big garden days (Nicole and Andrew) and get the digging, mulching, weeding done.
Is it still hard? Yes. I want to do so much and don’t like relying on others to have to help me all the time. I have accepted that some things just won’t happen this year, but there is next year. I also know this is not forever and one day I’ll be back to full speed. But that buggy horse is sounding really good right now….
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What is something you want to pass on to your children? One lesson you want them to remember. I want my children to know and remember that God gave us everything we need, you need to know where to look and how to use it.
When you look around you in nature, you see all different colors, textures, and fragrances. You see beauty in the minor details. But what about when you look closer? The beauty gets even better! Different parts of the plants have different uses, for healing, for poison, and for nutrition.
Throughout time plants have been used for good or bad, healing or poison. As we have moved into a more medically minded society much of this ancient knowledge has been lost. As I have begun my journey in using food and nature as our first line of defense to keep us healthy, and help to heal our bodies when we do become ill, I have come to appreciate much of this old wisdom. Some of it is as simple as lavender or aloe vera for a burn, some more complex like which herbs and spices to use to warm the body and increase the energetics.
Bringing my children along on gathering trips around the yard or when we are cooking or making a salve, helps them to not only learn the plants early, but also how to use and preserve them. They will know how to care for or find the plant they need to heal a wound. How to make the salve or tincture to use in the winter when the plants are not available.
Does this make the process take longer? Most definitely! I will be honest, there are times I would rather just do it by myself, but then I remember the bigger goal. I don’t want to just take care of them now, I want to give them the tools and knowledge to take care of them and their families once I am gone.
I want my children to remember these lessons I am now learning. I want them to remember when times get hard, God provides in many ways. Bow your head and pray for wisdom in what to do or use.
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Life brings us to crossroads, where we have to make hard decisions. One of those such decisions, we (my husband and I) had to make was where to give birth to our son. Our daughter's birth did not end the way either of us expected, and left me traumatized never wanting to be pregnant again. After much healing, God blessed us with another child. Now where were we going to receive care from?
We prayed a lot. I found out I was pregnant right during harvest. Wanting to do this journey and decision making together, we waited until harvest was over before we started interviewing providers. I was very much opposed to hospital birth. Just taking my daughter to the clinic for well checks raised my blood pressure and put me on edge. How was I supposed to give birth in that environment? You need to relax for birth to happen naturally!
We interviewed a couple different midwives, one independent and one in a birth center. I researched and came up with pages of questions for them, everything from what is required during visits, to what would be required during birth, to treatment if anything was declined, and their personal statistics (interventions, success rates, etc.). I also searched the internet to find background and reviews on each potential midwife before we even scheduled a consultation. Prior to the interviews we decided we would not make any decisions that day. We would take the answers home, talk about them, pray then decide where was best.
At the end of the interviews I wanted one midwife, my husband wanted the other. The birth center would provide me care, but I would have to give birth in a hospital, due to physician policy. We decided to tour where we would be giving birth. One choice was easy to tour: home. The other, we had to schedule the appointment. Unfortunately my husband could not go with me on the tour.
I prayed very specifically for a good week or more before, that God would give me clear answers. I prayed for complete peace if this was where we were supposed to be, or a complete anxiety attack if it was not. I wanted clear answers, so there was no doubt in my mind.
I made it through a good part of the tour, but as we got further and further into the labor rooms, the more anxious I got. My daughter became my focus to keep me out of a complete attack. As soon as the tour was done we b-lined it out of there as fast as I could. Trying to get a coat on a 2 year old was hard, getting across the parking garage and into the car was harder. I was quickly losing it. I got my daughter buckled in, got in myself, and locked the door. I could finally let go. I was staking so bad I could barely dial my husband and talk. I sobbed into the phone, shaking,
“I can’t do this.”
“It it OK, you tried. I wish I could come through the phone and hold you. Breath with me.”
He calmed me down and I oiled up. We had our answer very clearly. I had only had one other mild attack prior to that event. I believe that attack was solely for the purpose that I would know what it was for this decision. God is faithful.
And that was how it was determined we would give birth at home. A decision I do not regret in the slightest, as it brought about a redeeming birth.
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What is the biggest mistake in pregnancy? This is a loaded question, whose answer will change depending on who you talk to and their experiences. From my experience and research, three of the biggest mistakes come in the form of poor nutrition, medication, and mindset.
Poor nutrition is not just a calorie imbalance, it is an imbalance or deficiency in vitamins and minerals. Proper nutrition can prevent so many complications in pregnancy especially. I’ve talked quite a bit on this before, so I’ll let you check it out here, instead of me repeating myself.
Medicine. Hear me out here, do NOT stop taking a medication your doctor has prescribed without first consulting them and researching. That said, unneeded medicine, that is recommended or prescribed as a blanket policy (like a baby aspirin a day), can hide a lot of imbalances. Medications work by forcing action in the body chemically.
I have come to the conclusion that supporting the body and giving it what it needs to correct the imbalance itself. The body naturally wants to maintain homeostasis, or balance. The body is incredibly beautiful in that it can heal itself if given what it needs, soon enough. Living this way also requires more digging than just taking a pill. It requires digging down to the core problem to find the real reason for the imbalance.
Finally mindset. This is a loaded one to, and one that I will be completely up front and honest. I AM STILL WORKING ON IT. Mindset has huge affects on our overall wellbeing and health. Our mind is another fascinating topic, for another day. In pregnancy, our society has so many stereotypes that we willingly buy into: Pregnancy is supposed to be uncomfortable and birth painful. That is not necessarily so.
Your mindset on how you view pregnancy and birth, starting with something as simple as your words, can change how you view the potential challenges in pregnancy and birth. For example, take the work contraction. Sounds painful right? What about rush? Now which one makes the picture you want during birth: The contractions were intense but manageable, or the rushes were intense but manageable? Changing the word contraction to rush, makes birth less scary.
What are some other words you can change in your language that will change your mindset on pregnancy and birth?
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What is something that completely annoys you? We all have those random things annoy us. For me it is chaos and disorder.
I like my life organized, whether that is my environment, or my actual schedule. The order helps me to function and stay focused. Having kids has greatly altered that, but I still keep the clutter to a minimum, and try to keep things picked up and organized. If it is an area I need to work in, you had better believe there is order to it. I will get so distracted by the disorder, I don’t work on what I need to, only cleaning the mess up.
Chaos, tends to be more of a social thing. We’ve all seen it, you walk into an area, and there are 500 things going on and no one really knows what they are doing or why. Some people do just fine in these situations, my sister thrives in them. Me? I want to take command and organize everyone, so we are all working towards the same things, not necessarily the same task, but the same goal. It takes everything in me to not.
Life has taken a lot of time to mature me and settle me down a bit. I've learned to prioritize, what actually needs to stay organized, and when it is time to have the kids clean up their toys. I have learned to keep the clutter to a minimum, eliminating piles before they become huge, and throw away the broken toys that don’t need fixed.
I still try to schedule my life, but have learned to give myself time and grace when plans change. I obsessively write things in my planner, so it looks organized, but understand that the 30 minute task is going to take an hour at least with kids in tow. I have learned to schedule my tasks not on my old time self, but on the I have 2 helpers in tow time (at least twice as long).
Do I still stress when life takes a left turn when I was expecting a right? YES. But I am getting better at letting go and rolling with the changes.
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What was the first job you had? Was it a job that helped shape your views?
One of the first ‘jobs’ I had growing up was helping in the lambing barn. After all, I had convinced my dad to keep the ewes, so it was now part of my responsibility to help with the extra work and rewards of breeding them.
We would split lambing checks, with mom and dad doing them during the day, while we were at school, my sisters and I doing them after school and in the evening. I would then do the early 6 am check before school. I was the morning bird and enjoyed the quiet of the barn in the morning. I was also usually late for Spanish class once those checks started. Sorry, Ms. Hofts.
Those years of caring for the ewes taught me a lot about life. The natural cycle of life and death happens readily with sheep. And it is a hard lesson to learn, but one that brings understanding to the rest of life. But it also taught me that life and birth and death is natural. So many times we try to step in and adjust life to make things more convenient for us. But many times all we do is interfere and nature adjusts. The best example of this I can remember was with one of my first ewes (mom sheep).
It was chore time that afternoon, and one of my ewes already had one lamb almost born. We picked up the lamb and led the ewe into the maternity ward, where she would have her own pen to bond with her lamb. I continued to watch her as it finished chores around the barn. I knew she was carrying more than one lamb, but she refused to settle down and have it. Eventually we all left the barn and went back up to the house, deciding to go back in an hour and check her. In that hour she settled down and had another lamb. I made sure it got up and nursed well, and returned to the house. The next check she had another lamb! She ended up with 4 lambs that night, but every time we were in the barn, she would act as if nothing was going on and shut labor down. She needed her space and time.
The biggest lesson I learned in the lambing barn was when to step in and help and when to just leave the ewe alone. 95% of the time the ewes had the lambs just fine on their own. As long as none of the other ewes were bothering them or it wasn’t super cold, they did quite well in the pen until the lamb was up and had nursed. Then they could be moved to their ‘private room’. The other 5% of the time was the critical ones, where the ewe just wasn’t going to have the lamb on her own. Either the lamb was positioned wrong, or the ewe was just too exhausted, usually, but she needed help.
Distinguishing the difference in the two was tricky in the beginning, but with time and practice, it became easy to spot the births that were off, or not progressing as they should.
When I started having my own children, part of me wondered why something so natural was so medicalized. But it was what everyone was doing, so I followed suit. Later I learned there was a different more natural approach, and I was all for it. I just wanted the same space and respect I had given all the animals in my care.
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